There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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