Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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