he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
