"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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