I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
