I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
