i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
