bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
