it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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