Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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