Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
