my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
sarcasm needs its own font
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
