Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
