i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
