I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
