what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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