no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
