Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just tell him i said nine months
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
