went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
