nut hugger
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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