thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
