he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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