But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
