How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
