I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
