put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
