So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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