i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
