your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
