this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
