Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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