I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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