the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
