I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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