Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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