I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
