i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
