I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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