Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
