My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
