I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
