Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
