so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
