dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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