In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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