you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Success! We fucked roommates!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
