she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i now understand why vodka
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
