a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
