Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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