Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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