I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
