It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
