my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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