the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
